photographer + writer + producer

Thoughts

Whatever happens, happens.

Once you graduate college, there are no more summer breaks. There are no more lectures or semesters, and the years start in Januaries instead of Septembers.

For the first time in nineteen years, I’m not going back to school this fall, and the lack of structure my future holds has been eating me alive. I’ve spent the past two months since graduation plotting, applying, brainstorming, researching and trying to create something (anything) for myself that will resemble a plan.

I’ve been Googling companies I’d like to work for, cities I could live in and trips I could take. Every day I had a new “plan” and every other day I’d have a mini quarter-life crisis. Should I travel? Should I take the year off? Should I just freelance? Should I move to a different state? Where would I work? And on and on and on.

But one day when I was sitting in my room staring at the wall with nothing else to do, it hit me: I’m spending so much time worrying about what I want to be doing in the future, that I forgot about right now. Forget waiting for 2015.  Why should I wait and plan for things to happen instead of having things happen right now?

In a matter of 10 days, I hit the ground sprinting and got an unpaid internship in the field I think I’m interested in and a part-time job to keep me going while I also freelance on the side.

I wasn’t panning on staying at home for this long and I wasn’t planning on delaying my travels. But the funniest part? I’m the one who made that plan! So why the hell not throw it out the door?

The best part about having an open road ahead with no map in hand is the ability to take any turn or stop I want. Eventually, 2015 and the rest of the future will come, no matter how much time I WASTE Googling things. And when the future does come, I will be somewhere doing something. But whether it’s the “somewhere” and "something" I had planned or not, it doesn’t matter to me much anymore:  Whatever will be, will be.  I have to accept that wherever I end up will be the best route I could’ve taken, since parallel universes don’t exist in my book and I don't believe in time machines that can change history. 

 

Shabnam FerdowsiComment