You know that feeling right before the tears fall and you start choking up and your throat clogs up and your heart seems stuck in your throat? Well, I don’t think there’s a word for it in english, but in farsi we call it a boghs (don’t hurt yourself trying to pronounce it)
I’ve this feeling for the past week. And it’s going to stay for who knows how long… until i get to iran? and get swept into family madness? until i get back to LA? back to school and reality? I don’t know, but It’s scary.
It’s funny though. Most people say “Who knows when I’ll be back around here”. I go further than “around here” every single year, and and plan on doing just that for as long as I can. Sure, I can no longer say “I go to Iran every summer” but rather “I go to Iran every year, whenever I can”, and that’s also scary. But I have to keep going back. I can’t explain, i don’t know. Even though I don’t like going alone (without my mom or brother), it’s something I’ve got to do.
Which brings me to.
I will move to europe sometime after I graduate. I will be back on this side of the world. Maybe not until after I graduate, but that’s only in like 1.5 years.
But… a lot can happen in 1.5 years. I CAN’T Lose my italian, I CAN’T find work in america and decide to stay. at least not in LA. 4 months living away from that city has not been enough.
That’s all the reflection for now,
Off to more finals studying…